3/27/2015 4:00 PM PDT, by Emily Trainham
You've probably heard so many heartbroken teenagers crying about Zayn this week: Zayn, of course, being Zayn Malik, formerly of One Direction. And that's a shame for a number of reasons, but the biggest reason of all is that there is only one true Zayn they should have been crying over. Billy Zane.
Poor Billy here gets so few opportunities to showcase his special gifts, and perhaps that's why this video is so touching. It's sweet, charming, and come on, you guys, it's Billy Zane. Do you honestly need an excuse to see this?
Filed Under: Billy Zane
3/27/2015 3:00 PM PDT, by Sarah Taylor
"Every year that goes by, I think that my on-camera smile is going to get easier. It's got worse and worse, to the point where I'm giving that Britney Spears terrified smile, where the lips are upturned, but there's nothing but fear in the eyes ... I'm also the queen of ruining group photos. All my friends will be smiling and looking really pretty, and I'll be there pretending to pick my nose—or actually picking my nose. It's a fine line."
--Anna Kendrick, as if Anna Kendrick could be anything other than perfect at all times ... even whilst picking her nose.
Anna most recently covered Britian's Glamour, and it's cool ... we'll absolutely sit here and idolize Anna while the rest of today's kids gawp over Kylie Jenner and her SUPER COOL EDGY LOOKS. It's all right -- we've got this covered.
3/27/2015 1:00 PM PDT, by Emily Trainham
Do you ever just look at Dolly Parton and find yourself in such a state of awe that such a lovely, magnificent person exists in this world? If not, then there just may be something desperately wrong with your soul ... but if so, then you're so right. She's just so incredibly delightful, and since she's had such a long, wonderful career, she's got some great advice to give too:
"I'm not one to give advice, because I never wanted anyone to give me advice. If someone comes to me, I say, 'What I did was this, but I'm not you.' It's different for each person. But there are some golden rules in life. Be true to yourself. You need to know what you will and won't put up with, and what you're willing to sacrifice. A desire, a wish and a dream are different things, and you've gotta figure out those little differences. Everybody wishes that they were rich or famous, but that's not necessarily going to happen if you don't have the spunk to make it happen. You gotta work your dreams; you gotta put legs and arms and arms and wings on them!"
And she's not afraid to let us in on how she's been so successful:
"The key to my success has always been that my desire to succeed has always been greater than my fear. I've been scared to death about a lot of things, but then I think, 'Okay, you gotta buckle up, girl. You've got yourself here, so get out there and just do it.' And I just ask God to help me, and I follow that light."
But seriously, she's very wise:
"I think that little Taylor Swift has just done amazing. She knew exactly who she was, she had her dream, and she stuck with it. That's what you gotta do. I'm just so proud of her."
Oh, Dolly, what would we ever do without you?!
3/27/2015 12:00 PM PDT, by Sarah Taylor
If this quick skit of Jimmy Fallon singing the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" with his extraordinarily creepy-looking wax figures doesn't just make your Friday, then maybe you're just super lucky and have the day off today. Maybe you've been spoiled with a 4-day work week this go round, and you're just lounging in your pajama pants today, eating last night's leftover Chinese takeaway in front of your television while binging on Netflix or Hulu. Maybe that's why you aren't even remotely entertained by this video, and if that's the case ... mosey on back to the couch, friend. There's lots of other folks here who still have to power through for the rest of the day. Save some bandwidth for them, all right?
3/27/2015 11:00 AM PDT, by Emily Trainham
Just in case you don't recognize them boobs up there, well, they belong to Miley Cyrus. That's neat and all, but that's not the reason we want to have a discussion about this photo. No, the reason that we want to have a discussion is what lies between those boobs: that silly little necklace. Check it out closely for a minute, do you see anything weird? Anything out of place? Anything just a little bit disgusting, perhaps?
That's Miley's tooth, hanging like a gross little charm from her tacky homemade jewelry. She recently got a whole bunch of them pulled, and she's been recuperating at home, and apparently this is the kind of thing she's been doing to pass the time. Why did she even save her teeth in the first place? Did she have this planned all along? What kind of person goes through the painful experience of getting teeth removed and then decides to keep a little souvenir to use to make some jewelry?
Miley Cyrus is that kind of person. She is that kind of person and so, so much more.
3/27/2015 10:00 AM PDT, by Sarah Taylor
If you were a girl in the 90s, then chances were, you had a crush on one of the Hanson brothers, whether it be Ike, Tay, or Zac ... and all these years later (18 years since the release of "Middle of Nowhere," to be exact ... damn) they are just as adorable -- and officially OK to call them "hot" without sounding like a major creeper, no matter how old you are.
Read to feel super old? Isaac is 34 years old, Taylor is 32, and the baby -- Zac -- is 29 ... turning 30 later this year.
Break out the hankies, y'all.
3/27/2015 8:00 AM PDT, by Emily Trainham
Azealia Banks is an absolutely terrible person: that is pretty much a fact at this point. She says terrible things, she does terrible things ... remember when she said that she hates "everything about this country"? It's easy to get irritated and/or outraged over things, like that, which is what writer Matt Walsh did when he wrote up a little thing called "Dear Azealia Banks, Please Feel Free To Leave America And Never Return.” And do you know how Azealia allegedly retaliated?
No. No. There has never been so much "no" wrapped up in one single tweet. We don't have proof that she actually did send that photo (thank goodness), but we're also not going to act like it's even remotely outside the realm of possibility. Azealia has harassed people with her words for so long, why not start harassing them with her genitals? After all, it's only the next logical step in her evolution of awful.
I write a post to @AZEALIABANKS. She responds by tweeting me a photo of her vagina. Sexual harassment? Or is that just when guys do it?— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) March 20, 2015
Filed Under: Azealia Banks
3/27/2015 7:00 AM PDT, by Emily Trainham
"They go to a really hard school, and this week we had three hours of homework [a night]. Some of it is hard for me. Next year when [Preston's] in fifth grade, he's going to be doing pre-algebra, and I'm taking classes so I know how to do it!"
--Britney Spears talks about her sons' education, and have you ever even heard anything sweeter than this?
Britney's a good mom, y'all. You're not going to see too many other people on Britney's level taking math lessons so that they can help their kids with their homework, but she's always stayed that adorable down-to-earth gal that we love so dearly, and doesn't that just warm your heart so delightfully?
Team Britney, forever and ever, and then for a few more evers. There's a reason she's a legend.