Today in Worst People You Don't Know: Chris Brown
10/4/2013 3:00 PM PDT, by Emily Trainham
You probably think that you know very well how awful, despicable, and dumb Chris Brown is, but you know what? You don't. Sure, you probably have a pretty good idea if you've been in possession of eyes and ears for the past few years, but you don't truly know the extent of it. But you're about to.
Chris Brown just did an interview with The Guardian, and it's ... it's a doozy. Look at how he described himself to the interviewer:
"I would say I'm an inspirational guidelines book. You can take my life story or scenarios or songs and relate to them, and apply them to your everyday life. You know, whether it be personal or musical, I just think I'm a walking art piece, just a ball of creativity."
A walking art piece. Is this a joke? This has to be a joke. But it's not, it's real life, and that's very sad. Also very sad: Chris Brown refers to the time he assaulted Rihanna as just "the incident with Rihanna," and he said that if it weren't for that, he'd be "bigger than life." If you want even more sadness, Chris said that he lost his virginity when he was eight years old, and here's how he elaborated:
"Yeah, really. Uh-huh. It's different in the country. By that point, we were already kind of like hot to trot, you know what I'm saying? Like, girls, we weren't afraid to talk to them; I wasn't afraid. So, at eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it. You can be the best at it. But you know how Prince had a lot of girls back in the day? Prince was, like, the guy. I'm just that, today. But most women won't have any complaints if they've been with me. They can't really complain. It's all good."
How messed up is that? There's too much to go into with the first part, but let me just point out that Chris actually said that all the girls he's been with "can't really complain." See, that's funny, because Rihanna, for one, probably has a few complaints.
Oh, he also discussed how hard it was on him to be arrested for that previously mentioned incident with Rihanna:
"That was probably, like, one of the most troubling times in my life, because I was 18 or 19, so being able to feel the hatred from more adult people, you don't understand it at the time, because you made a mistake."
And that anger management class he had to attend for beating up a woman? Totally sexist:
"I think the actual class I went to was a little bit sexist. It was beneficial because it made me cater more to a woman's thoughts and a woman's needs, and how to handle situations. But the class itself, no disrespect to the class, but the class itself only tells you you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong."
The class told you that you're wrong, Chris, because you were wrong. Is that hard for you to understand? Probably, because you also said this ignorant nonsense about the assault:
"I learned from it, and it was almost like… I wouldn't say it happened for a reason, but it was something to trigger my mind to be more of a mature adult. To handle myself in situations, don't throw tantrums, don't be a baby about it."
Because there's no comment for that, let's just listen to his brilliant closing line:
"I'm not going to walk around every day of my life depending on the opinions of other people. Because if I do that, I'll just be trying to please everybody and that's not what I'm here for. Just make music. If they like it, they like it. If they don't, f--- you."
Well, there you have it, friends. That's how much of an idiotic, impossible jackass Chris Brown is today. Hope you can deal.