Man Cannot Live on Miley Alone
12/4/2013 4:00 PM PST, by Emily Trainham
Hey, everybody, get this: Snooki just talked a whole, whole lot about Miley Cyrus, and it's probably the best thing that anyone's ever said about anything. And why wouldn't it be? Snooki is charming and wonderful and hilarious, and everybody loves talking about Miley. There is absolutely no reason why this wouldn't be the best thing in the world. And it really, truly is.
Here's what Snooki said about what she would get Miley for Christmas if they were friends:
"I would buy her a best friends bracelet because I feel like we would be best friends. Even though she's crazy and a party girl. She's me basically three years ago. That's why I love her. I know exactly what she's going through. The girl just wants to have fun and she's having fun. I feel like I would get her a lot of Christmas presents that involve vibrators, some sex toys, and go to a stripper store and buy really hot stripper outfits. Because she loves being naked, and I love seeing her naked because she's hot. I think she's really hot. I would buy her some tight pleather pants and a spiky bra Madonna style. She could walk around like that. Maybe sit on Santa's lap, give Santa a boner. She could twerk on Santa. Whatever she likes to do, she can do because she's Miley Cyrus."
Has a wiser, more incredible thing ever been said than "whatever she likes to do, she can do because she's Miley Cyrus"? Has anyone ever described an image more beautiful than Miley twerking on Santa Claus in a Madonna bra until he gets an erection? I don't know, friends, but I do know this: Snooki just gave us a genuine Christmas miracle with this story. And we all need to be just so thankful.