Even in Her Trials, Gwyneth Paltrow is Sanctimonious

3/26/2014 9:30 AM PDT, by Sarah Taylor
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Gwyneth Paltrow couldn't just break off her marriage with Chris Martin like every other abnormal person in Hollywood, nope. No, Gwyneth had to get all new-age and psychological and metaphysical on our asses, and maybe, if we're super lucky, she'll even throw in a few great breakup recipes to cook up while down and depressed, too. Wouldn't that be nice? 

Gwyn and Chris released a "joint" statement last night (and by "joint," I mean "all her") regarding their amicable split, referring to it as a "conscious uncoupling." Before you get finished rolling your eyes at that one, though, hear this one out: on her site, before it crashed, Gwyn republished a doctor's whole thesis on what "conscious uncoupling" actually is, so not only is she fit to tell you what to eat and wear and drive, she's qualified to heal your spirit and your soul through lots of other people's big words, too: 

"Divorce is a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved—and there's arguably no salve besides time to take that pain away. However, when the whole concept of marriage and divorce is reexamined, there's actually something far more powerful—and positive—at play. ... Our biology and psychology aren't set up to be with one person for four, five, or six decades. The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone." 

So, in short, we're just living much too long to pair with anyone for longer than a tenth of our lives, and even that's pushing it. Right?

But how about this -- how about we each decide on our own what's right for ourselves and allow our loved ones to do the same thing without having to be subjected to the proselytizing of someone who basically makes a career out of trying to change our lives because they think we're too apathetic to care? Sure is a good start, if nothing else.
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