If you didn't know it before, then first, go ahead and get a grip on reality, and then listen to this: Corey Feldman is so great. He truly is. He's sweet and talented and fun, and come on, a sense of nostalgia alone should be enough to stop anyone from disliking him. And yet people do, and for what? Seriously, for what reason? Do they still harbor some 20-year-old bitterness that they never got to go on an epic treasure hunt with their best friends? Are they jealous that Corey went and made the best music video of all time? It's got to be something silly like that, because nothing else makes sense, considering how wonderful he is.
Just as a little example of Corey's greatness, he made an appearanceat a baseball game in Virginia over the weekend for something wondrous called "Goonies night." According to several reports, he was a "class act," and he stayed until he met everyone who wished to meet him. And by the way, there were several people who wanted to meet him:
Bindi Irwin is many, many things: she's an intelligent, thoughtful young lady, she's caring and charming, and she's absolutely gorgeous. On top of all of those things, she's also the girl pictured on that magazine cover up there. Weird, right? Because if her name wasn't placed right over her body, we would have had no idea who this person was.
In case you need a refresher, here's what Bindi typically looks like:
And here she is, all made up:
Even with the differences in lighting and makeup, both of those girls are very clearly Bindi, the grown up version of the little girl we saw on "The Crocodile Hunter." But the girl on the magazine cover? Maybe the photographer used a filter to make her look like her own older, slightly edgier cousin, but something is simply not right. There is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with Bindi or her face, and it's a damn shame that we can't just assume that a photo taken for the media will actually resemble its subject.
On Friday, Scott Disick finally seemed to make some sort of comment on Kourtney Kardashian and their breakup in the form of an Instagram post, saying that "the grass isn't always greener" while attending a wedding, presumably alone. It was sad, we felt feelings, and we also felt that maybe Scott would begin to address his issues in an attempt to fix his relationship. But then on Saturday, Kourtney shared this photo. And things aren't looking up anymore.
It's a pretty simple photo: Kourtney's with a couple of friends, looking all hot in a swimsuit and cutoffs, and she added the simple caption "boating." On the surface, it looks like it could be just a little update on her life, maybe a chance to show off how great she looks. But if you consider what's been going on in her life, you realize that this probably goes deeper, right? Like maybe Kourtney wanted to post a big ol' middle finger, but figured that this might be more classy.
Well done, Kourtney. You win this round, all the previous rounds, and we're going to go ahead and wager that you'll win all future rounds as well. I mean, with game like this, how could she not?
It seems like a pretty common occurrence these days to feel the need to close your eyes, shake your head, and take a moment just to understand the pure ridiculousness that is Kendra Wilkinson. Like Tori Spelling before her, Kendra made the very questionable decision to document her intense marital issues on television, to let the nation in on all of her most private moments, and it was weird as hell. But Kendra -- and this is so Kendra -- didn't learn her lesson (if there even was one to learn), and that's why we have a whole new season of "Kendra on Top" to look forward to. Or to cause you to question humanity. You know, whichever.
Here's what we have to look forward to in the new season:
"It’s a very powerful season. We’re just showing the healing process. Everything that really happens after something tragic happened. We’re human. We’re not perfect people. This is pretty much a TV diary of what we’re going through."
But don't worry, she's not just doing this for a paycheck or attention or anything. No, reality television basically saved her marriage:
"I had it in my mind since day one that everything will work itself out, no matter which way it goes. I think being on TV helped us expedite everything a little bit more and push us more into the therapy a lot more. It pushed us a little bit more to get to the root of our problem and the root of our feelings ... I want to get to a place with Hank that I’ve never been before. To be stronger people. To be better people than we were before."
There's a very important truth that seems to be going unnoticed by Kendra, and that is the simple fact that people are capable of handling their issues without those issues being shared with the entire nation. No, I know, it sounds crazy, but it really is true. Couples have worked out their issues all on their own, with nary a television program to speak of, for years! It can be done. All one has to do is believe.
“Loosing [sic] your teeth should be something special, I like to add passion and something special to everything including loosing [sigh, sic] teeth. These years are flying bye [sic sic sic] and soon $600 won’t be surprising to my daughter and the tooth fairy will just be imaginary and made up, so $600 for one tooth is a great addition to her college fund and let’s [ ... for real?] her have a big surprise when she woke up that morning. You’re only a kid once! I look forward to surprising my daughter and cherishing all our special moments as she grows up into an adult.”
--Farrah Abraham so eloquently explains her reasoning for giving her six-year-old $600 for losing two of her teeth, and sorry, but we still wouldn't advise holding your breath for this girl to receive any Parent of the Year awards.
Here's the thing: if your small child gets to a point where she's not surprised by receiving $600 for doing absolutely nothing, that's on you as a (terrible) parent. It's not like a general milestone that every child reaches, like "Hey, this is when your kid learns to read," "This is when your child goes through puberty," "This is when your child learns all about mommy's materialism and becomes totally 'whatevs' about hundreds of dollars."
And, by the way, if Farrah really likes to "add passion and something special to everything," does she really feel that passionately about money, does she really think it's something special? Sure, it's very helpful in life, but there are dozens upon dozens of things that show more passion than throwing some hundreds on the nightstand. Or ... oh. Is that a lesson Farrah missed?
Christina Applegate once ditched Brad Pitt at the 1989 MTV Movie Awards ... going as his date, but leaving with another dude ... and though she never officially revealed who it was -- not even to Andy Cohen on "WWHL" -- we're going to go out on a limb here and say that we think it was Skid Row musician Sebastian Bach (not to be confused with Johann Sebastian Bach, who'd be way, way too old for her) ... considering the two were rumored to have been linked around that time for a long while now.
Sebastian Bach was also in attendance at the 1989 MTV Movie Awards, and honestly, who better to leave Brad Pitt for than the musician on the rise who was that year's opener for Motley Crue? It was 1989, for crying out loud ... "Legends of the Fall" sadly wouldn't be a reality for another 5 years.
GET THEM OPPORTUNITIES, GIRL.
It's too bad we're not comparing brain cells here, because between the two of them, Kim Kardashian and Sofia Vergara have about 3 to spare. Forget DEM BOOBZ AND DAT DOZE AZZEZ, that's a compelling competition.
As it is, however, Sofia Vergara is all concerned about being pitted against ol' Kim for "most beautiful" something or another for some magazine. About it, she says, "Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look like a drag queen. I'm a woman, but I'm very exaggerated with my boobs, my ass, how I do my makeup, and my accent, of course."
Sofia, bringing Kim K into the fold, continues, "I'm going up for sexiest ass against Kim Kardashian and she's, like, 10 years younger than me. She should be upset she's up against me. I think I beat her once or twice." Not for nothing, she continues all that ass-kissing (?) by saying, "I've met her at red carpet things and she is just the most beautiful woman anywhere ... so somebody is crazy to put me on these lists.
So hey. We'll be judicious about all this: it's either the most uninformed statement of all time, or the best burn we've heard in eons. We'd go ahead and commit to one answer or the other, but frankly, we're talking about Sofia Vergara and Kim Kardashian, for crying out loud. Does it really matter?
Praise the Lord and pass the ... never mind: we won't be seeing any terrible photos of the late Kurt Cobain's body after being discovered with a reported self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head ... thanks to a Seattle judge who threw a lawsuit launched by a gore-mongering kook who claims the government helped cover up the "murder" of Kurt Cobain.
According to the Seattle Times, Richard Lee's request to have the gruesome photos released under the Public Records Act was denied, but on a technicality -- the court claims that Lee never went through the appropriate channels to file the suit, and this is why it was dismissed.
Isn't it a shame that the judicial system has to jump through such hoops to placate people who apparently have a secondary agenda?
Though Richard says that he will file another records request -- and "properly" this time -- it seems unlikely that the case will gain any traction ... nobody needs to see what Kurt Cobain looked like while laying on the floor after being dead for 3 days. Lee's motivation is to "prove" his theory that Cobain never had a shotgun wound ... and that it was actually the government (?) that was instrumental in covering up a conspiracy surrounding the nature of the Nirvana musician's death.
We're not gonna lie: the circumstances around Cobain's untimely death are strange. They're unsettling and suspicious in certain ways, and they're grudgingly deserving of analysis by those unfortunately obsessed by unwrapping Kurt's final days, but as we said the last time around -- there's no reason to scar people for the rest of their lives just so some sicko can feign "legal" satisfaction.