We all know of Gwyneth Paltrow's unending perfection ... mainly because she won't ever shut up about it -- but here's a new development in what seems to be a quick-grab at getting her newly-single estranged husband, Chris Martin, back: she's not the untouchable ice queen that people think she is, and she even -- gasp! -- admits that perfection is just darn unattainable.
In her recent newsletter on GOOP, Gwynnie talks about cutting lose, smoking cigarettes, and eating pizza of all godforsaken things. Check it out for yourself:
"Those of you who have read goop for a long time know that we try to do well by our bodies, our kids, and the environment as much as possible—but we make allowances for real life, too. Not only is any concept of 'perfection' untenable (and maddening), but it's not so enjoyable, either. Pizza, a cigarette at a party, a perfect martini, a daily glass of red ... these aren’t 'cheats' or 'indulgences'—these are just moments that can make a week more pleasurable, a night out with friends more fun.
This is the thing: We like to have the information we need to make our own choices. Sometimes those decisions revolve around fueling our bodies with super-clean, almost monastic meals; sometimes those decisions revolve around a grilled cheese and fries. But, really it’s about choice. It’s about controlling our destiny."
The whole point of the post is about chemical regulation in the United States, but yet she talks about smoking cigarettes -- her choice, of course -- on "pleasurable" nights. We get the point, but making it in a post about tobacco and alcohol just doesn't fit somehow ... and it seems like she's grasping at straws to be relatable ... but doesn't realize that just in 2012, only 18% of adults identified themselves as smokers.
Our point is, she's reaching ... and reaching through a thinly-disguised and "noble" anti-chemical message ... but why? Is it to show her ex that she can be taught? That she can cut loose? Or is it something else altogether?
One thing is for certain -- Gwyneth Paltrow never just does -- or says -- something for no particular reason.
Here's some more fashion-based evidence that Emma Watson can do no wrong, because this is what she showed up wearing in public, and it doesn't even matter where: when Emma Watson walks into the room, all eyes glaze over at her beauty and folks in attendance at whatever event it happens to be conceivably forget where they are. Didn't you know -- having an out-of-body experience with this kind of woman in the room is pretty customary, apparently.
Verdict: Love it, of course. It's like asking if the sun is hot. Jeez.
Maybe -- just maybe! -- if we give her what she wants, she'll go away. Or at least start making better music or wearing something other than black lace and leather all the damn time, who knows. Madonna looks super, super great -- this is what she wants us to say -- and there's no denying that.
There's also no denying the fact that an upside-down picture and a corset helps a bit, too, but we won't go into that ... Madonna looks great for any age, and now maybe her confidence will have been boosted enough to go and do some more "Material Girl"-type stuff. We can dream and hope, right?
This photo -- by Kylie Jenner standards -- isn't all that bad. Yeah, the skirt or whatever is a little short, and those pointy bondage shoes just scream all the wrong things, and that face ... well, y'all know how we feel about how Kylie's face is changing with "puberty events," but what's really concerning about this picture -- what's truly alarming -- is the caption she posted it with. Which was this:
"promise to love you & obey & let you.."
Let you what, Kylie Jenner? You just close your little underaged mouth before you tell us let "who" "what," and we'll let this alone, because sorry -- no 17-year-old should be sharing photos captioned "promise to love you & obey & let you" anything unless they're talking about Oreo cookies and being in bellies.
For the last time -- before, you know, she turns 18 -- somebody please take this girl's phone away. We don't need to go through this again with a young reality TV starlet, OK? Good heavens.
Lindsay Lohan, if you can believe it, is just simply not dating Tom Cruise. Even though it's so totally plausible, it's just not true. It's so not true, in fact, that Lindsay herself felt compelled to make an official statement contrary to the rumors that we didn't even know existed that she is absolutely not dating Tom Cruise.
Sigh. Don't you feel better now?
Gosh, it's like Lindsay thinks it's April Fools' Day and not Halloween. Confusion, confusion, confusion, right?
"Anything a man can do, a woman has the right to do better."
Chelsea Handler just about sums up how we, at Fishwrapper, feel about basically everything. However, it's unfortunate that men can post photos of themselves topless, while women still can't ... as if breasts are solely sexual creatures with their own minds, and aren't useful for anything but ogling, fondling, or the like.
Later, naturally, when the post was removed from Instagram, because they're afraid of nipples also, Chelsea became irate, saying, "Taking this down is sexist. I have every right to prove I have a better body than Putin. ... If a man posts a photo of his nipples, it's OK, but not a woman? Are we in 1825? "
Unfortunately, for women, yes, Chelsea -- we are in 1825. I mean, we can vote and everything, and make 70 cents on the dollar, but progress, right?
UGH, Instagram. Grow a sense of humor ... or at least a sense of equal rights.
The Duggar family, as you know or could surely imagine, are a pretty conservative family, and definitely, definitely pro-life. We found that out when Jessa Duggar compared abortion to the Holocaust, and we're finding it out again today from Anna Duggar's Twitter account.
Anna, wife of Josh Duggar, has been going on this little Faith, Family, Freedom Tour with her husband, "to encourage voters to consider faith, family and freedom when casting their ballot on November 4th." Naturally, she's been exposed to a whole lot of pro-life discussion, and she felt so strongly about it that she retweeted this absolutely absurd message: OK, so judging by this, Anna believes that liberal voters support slavery and lynching? Is that right? Of course, she might be referring to the time when the Democratic party, particularly the Southern Democrats, were for slavery, but that was about 150 years ago, when slavery still existed in this country. Either way, what a worthless and ridiculous contribution, huh?
We really don't expect a lot from the Duggars, but man, do they manage to disappoint anyway.
Guys, it's a brunette Renee Zellweger on the set of her new movie in Mississippi, and doesn't she look great? If you squint just right and envision a few extra pounds, you could almost be looking at Bridget Jones, right?
Who really knows what Renee's doing -- or "not doing" -- with her face. Let's quit beating a dead horse. Renee's gorgeous, but she's not Bridget Jones anymore. And if that's the path she's choosing, then we're just going to have to sit back and respect it, right?
Love the color on you, girl -- brunette really suits you.