10/17/2014 8:30 AM PDT
Rainy night in NYC with @Prince_Hilton_The_Pom. ☔️🗽👸🐶
OK, so Paris Hilton's newest million-dollar (not, but close) Pomeranian dog is the cutest. He is as cute a dog as Taylor Swift's cat, Olivia Benson, is as cute a cat -- translation: if Prince Hilton and Olivia happened to be the same species and procreated, they'd have the best, most adorable pet babies in the whole entire world.
And as far as the whole "mother" bit, Paris would make a good mom if she had a child and treated it half as well as she does this dog, because come on -- this is one adorable dog, one adorable getup, and one adorable video.
Are you sick from all the cute yet?
7/7/2014 5:00 AM PDT
"I have to not make myself sick over it because that's what I did at first. I loved him so much. I really shut down more than I've ever let myself. ... I would just want [Floyd] to know that I'm doing [Floyd-dedicated performances onstage] for him."
--Miley Cyrus during her recent 2-hour NBC special, which was basically a little bit about her "Bangerz" tour, and mostly about her poor, deceased dog, Floyd, who was killed by a coyote earlier this year.
Later on, Miley talks about how the universe only doles out famous-responsibility to those who can handle it (uh, Amy Winehouse? Kurt Cobain? Two people infinitely more talented and innovative than Miley, and apparently those poor folks couldn't handle the "responsibility" handed out by the universe), and she claims that she can:
"The universe gives this responsibility to people who can handle it, and I believe I can handle it."
Here's my question, though: why are we still even doing specials on Miley Cyrus anymore? Why bother when there's a whole slew of other artists out there who are actually breaking ground, not breaking the hearts of parents and young fans who realize that Hannah Montana isn't really Hannah Montana at all?
Here are a few videos from from just last night that show just how far Miley's fallen since her heyday (and how creepily unfunny she's gotten, too):
Boy. Case in uncomfortable point, huh?
7/1/2014 3:55 AM PDT
OBVIOUSLY, they're both super cute in different ways, because hopefully nobody wants to do the things to Iggy Azalea's new dog, Jelli, that they'd want to do to her adorable backside, if that's even the right word for it (no; it sounds just wrong), but you get the idea.
Iggy adopted the new pup, telling the world that she's a "new puppy mama," and man -- how cute is Jelli? How cute is Iggy, sitting there all casually in her shorts and minimal makeup and that pair of Adidas-looking flipflops that you couldn't be parted with during the summer of 9th grade? Too cute. The whole picture screams "cute," and that's quite a departure from the other more lewd, suggestive things that get screamed whenever Iggy's in the general vicinity.
Adorable dog, girl, and you're still hot as heck, too.
6/30/2014 5:00 AM PDT
Bet you'll never guess what Miley Cyrus spent essentially her whole dang weekend doing, y'all! She spent it crafting beaded jewelry in memory and honor of her late, great dog -- Floyd -- who was killed in a coyote attack earlier this spring, and making generally ... um, compelling shrines to the deceased animal.
... But since you're looking at this post, and you have eyes, then you can see that she did it rather stylishly, because isn't she just looking great these days? Her hair's growing out a little bit, and the baby-blonde platinum color she's working with is really great, but man, that shrine stuff.
See it for yourself:
We're not going to say that all of this is inappropriate, because hey: it's none of our business the way that grief works for some people over certain events in their lives. No judgement, girl, none at all. But we will say that it's probably a really good thing that Miley's got a new dog, Emu -- with Floyd's blessing, of course -- and now maybe she'll be able to fully heal or something.
Here's another shot, for you and for Floyd:
6/24/2014 4:00 AM PDT
Taylor Swift shared this video on her IG page earlier, and captioned it "Not even kitten right meow." Do you even get that? Do you see how adorable what she did really is? And that cat, oh goodness, that cat ... like the hairballs that coat felines' throats, Taylor Swift has grown on us in a very big, and very gradual way, and we're so, so glad she did.
6/20/2014 3:00 AM PDT
You know what's scarier than that picture up there of a 13-year-old being allowed to dress and look like a 30-year-old? Being able to hang out with sketchy grown men on beds while the parental units are God knows where. You know what's scarier than even that, though? Snakes. They're definitely scarier. Especially snakes that can crush you to death -- the kinds of snakes that not even Samuel L. Jackson wanted on his "motherf--king plane" -- and yet Willow Smith up there is allegedly allowed to curl up and sleep with them.
Cue eye-rolling and welfare checks for young teenagers.
Will and Jada Smith have both previously admitted that Willow has a fascination with snakes, and that she has a boa constrictor as a pet. However, sources are telling other magazines that the snake-love has kicked up a notch, and the serpents are allowed to visit the kids' bedrooms and slither into their beds at night. Safe! And by "safe," I mean "not so safe."
See, there are things called wild animals, and not to go all PETA on y'all's backsides, they're called "wild" for a reason. Millenniums of years has taught us that most animals generally aren't meant to be locked up cages, let alone domesticated enough to be cuddling with like some kind of scaly teddy.
Plus, it's a boa constrictor, for crying out loud. Have you ever even seen what a boa constrictor can do? Maybe Willow could stop posting all of her 13-year-old meta melodrama on Twitter long enough to Google "How to avoid being crushed by a boa constrictor" instead. It might behoove her or whatever, you know?
We plan on reaching out to PETA for a statement on this ... whatever this is. We'll keep you updated.
5/29/2014 3:00 AM PDT
Poor Lena Dunham -- the dog she adopted? Lamby? The dog who looks like this when he's not trying to give Lena some back alley butt-tuck procedures? He went and tore Lena a new one last night:
Here's what Lena had to say about the incident:
"My dog bit me on the ass and Jemima Kirke captured the image of a life time #hopelessromantic #therewillbeblood"
Man -- those pets can really be a pain in the ass, huh?
Feel better, Lena! ... And you, Lamby -- we've got our eye on you.