Katy Perry is the cutest person in the whole wide world already, everybody knows that, so what could possibly make her even the tiniest bit cuter? What could Katy Perry add to her life to make her more lovable than she already is?
A PUPPY NAMED BUTTERS, THAT'S WHAT!
Yes, that darling little doggy right there is Butters, Katy's newest baby. Couldn't you just die? He's so fuzzy and perfect and god, how can the world even handle this much cuteness? How?!
All right, look, Miley Cyrus is obviously having a really horrible time right now. She's suffering from a severe allergic reaction to some medicine and she's been forced to cancel a good few tour dates while she's being hospitalized for it. That really, really sucks. But it doesn't change the fact that there are approximately zero reasons to post a selfie of yourself crying. That, my friends, is never, ever OK.
She's been feeling sorry for herself on Twitter, too, which is totally fair, it is. She has a lot of fans who care about how she's doing, and she's not doing all that great. But still, no crying selfies. Not now, not ever. It doesn't help anything, it just makes you look sad. Sad for more reasons than whatever you were crying about originally.
Well wishes and all, but come on now.
Our dear Courtney Stodden, as you can see right here with your very own eyes, went out for a hike yesterday with none other than the creepiest creeper known to man: Doug Hutchison. The man that married Courtney when she was just 16 years old, the man who helped make her into a bigger star than he ever was. The man that, for some reason, seems to be having a pretty intense argument with Courtney in these photos. What is even going on here?
There are two things that need to happen immediately. One, Courtney needs to never, ever see Doug again because he is too creepy for this world. And two ... actually, that first one is good enough. RUN, GURL.
Hey, how's this for a horror of horrific photos? It's Candice Swanepoel -- or at least was posted on and from Candice Swanepoel's Instagram account -- and it showcases a woman with a ... well, with a very, very angry-looking pussy between her legs.
On behalf of the cat, I say, "YOU SUCK." On behalf of PETA, I say, "[Insert angry commentary here]," on behalf of those who think it's pretty creepy to force a cat's whole head over your obviously-shaved vulva and between your legs, "You have some serious issues," and on behalf of those who have a severe, perverted compulsion to engage in bestiality and who will now likely cyber-stalk you, "Thanks."
Girl, though, seriously -- this is kind of rank, you know? Get yourself together (without, you know, the help of a cat to keep your legs closed)!
If you're a child of the '80s or '90s, then you probably heard the news that there's a likely "Mrs. Doubtfire" sequel in the works and grimaced and subsequently pulled all sorts of disappointed faces just like the rest of us.
Mara Wilson, however -- young Nattie Hillard in the original film -- articulated our feelings a little bit more, and to a greater depth, and for that, we thank her. Take it away, Mara:
For the record, no, I do not have anything to do with the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel, nor will I.— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) April 17, 2014
I've been in some mediocre movies, but I've never been in a sequel. And I have no interest in being in one now.— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) April 17, 2014
That about sums it up, right? We all love and adore Robin Williams, and there's not a whole lot he can do wrong (except maybe "Patch Adams"), but honestly. I realize that the script has been in development for over a decade, but still -- sometimes it's just best to leave sleeping dogs lie so they don't pee all over and tarnish the legacy that a wonderful movie made a quarter-century ago left.
There are many, many reasons I don't want to be in Mrs. Doubtfire 2. But they haven't even asked me (yet), so no need to worry.— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) April 17, 2014
Because we're fair and we have to give credit where credit is due -- even when we doing it grudgingly -- we have to admit: this photo of Khloe Kardashian holding Kim Kardashian's baby (and Khloe's niece) North West is pricelessly adorable. Yeah, and even though you can't see either of their faces, that's the name of their game, guys -- the Kardashian folks get us talking about them without even really having to do anything of any substance or consequence.
How adorable are those little wings, good heavens?
"We joked about [a reunion back] then: 'What’s gonna happen if we do the reunion movie? Jen’s dead'. 'Well, she’ll be in heaven narrating the whole story'. But ultimately, I don’t want to see it. I want it to be that little piece of the ’90s that’s forever in its proper place. And it was a complete story: I know how everyone ended up because of the five-year push in the finale. I love that there are so many people out there that would love to see a reunion. I love that it has a life that has gone on and on beyond its initial run. But I like how we ended it."
--"Dawson's Creek" creator Kevin Williamson on the horror that is never having an opportunity to experience a "Dawson's Creek" reunion in our lives, living solely on the bread rendered from the one and only series finale back in 2003. HOW CAN WE EVEN GO ON AS A MODERN CIVILIZATION?
Anyone else feel the compulsion to go ahead and dust off the old Netflix so they can rewatch the whole entire series all over again, for -- what -- the 3rd or 4th time now?
This is sad news, guys. Honorable, of course, that Kevin and company refuses to exploit another '90s treasure solely for monetary gain, but it's still somewhat like dangling that damn hot dog in front of your animal -- with no intentions of giving it to him -- and expecting him not to salivate to flood the floors.
Sad, sad news.