9/16/2014 12:00 PM PDT
Get ready to hang your head in shame, annoyance, and a number of other bad things, because Beyonce and Jay Z just released "Bang Bang," the first part of a short film they made for some reason or another. It's pointless, idiotic, and disappointing, but what else did you expect?
If this looks familiar to you, it's because Bey and Jay have shown bits of this film during their "On the Run" tour, and if this, for some bizarre reason, appeals to you, the whole thing will debut at a New York gallery this Friday. That's a little more information about this video, but there's no information available to answer the most prevalent question surrounding it: why?!
Why do Beyonce and Jay Z have to make short films about guns and crime and other such ridiculousness? Does anybody honestly care? If they went through the effort of making this film, why not just do something people care about and make more music? Are there actually people that do care about this? Do they think that highly of themselves that they believe they can do anything at all and people will worship it? What's next, a short film of Beyonce brushing her teeth? Seriously though, why not just make some music instead of waving around guns and promoting crime in an "artsy," "cool" way? WHY?
Sadly, friends, we'll never get most of these questions answered. We'll just have to be subjected to whatever these two want to throw at us, just so they can keep being mindlessly loved and adored. What a fate, huh?
9/8/2014 3:00 AM PDT
Beyonce Knowles turned 33 years old over the last few days ... and this photo -- which looks completely unretouched; a thing that we're not used to from celebrities' personal pictures as of late -- looks ... well, it definitely looks pretty unedited.
Needless to say, the picture is nothing short of amazing ... and even bent in what would be an extremely unflattering position for some people, she looks ... well, go ahead and see for yourself.
Happy Bey-day, Beyonce, if we haven't already said so a thousand times.
9/5/2014 8:00 AM PDT
This video that Jay Z made in celebration of his wife Beyonce's 33rd birthday is pretty sweet -- it features a montage of photos featuring Beyonce, of course, and then at the end, Jay gives his own special shout out to the birthday girl.
Ahh. Young love.
8/29/2014 5:00 AM PDT
Only Beyonce could write a poem concerning her daughter, her music, and what she does in the bedroom and make it somehow not creepy. It's got to be one of the tricks of the trade that Bey's mastered, because instead of all this coming off as strange and inappropriate, it's actually funky and kind of neat ... not unlike Beyonce herself.
Check out the poem she wrote for fashion magazine, CR Fashion Book:
It's my daughter, she's my biggest muse
There's someone, we all find out soon,
more important than ourselves to lose.
I feel a deep bond with young children --
all those photos in my dressing room --
especially those who have been stricken,
children I've met across the years --
they uplift me like pieces of moon,
and guide me, whispering in my ear.
I'm tuned to spirits, the emotions of others.
And I feel her presence all the time
though I've never met my grandmother.
I learned at a very young age,
when I need to tap some extra strength,
to put my persona, Sasha, on stage.
Though we're different as blue and red,
I'm not afraid to draw from her
in performance, riffs, even in bed.
OK, so there you are -- it's Beyonce's take on her daughter, her inspiration, and tapping into Sasha Fierce's strength while tapping ... well, you get it.
8/11/2014 4:00 AM PDT
Hey look, it's hot Beyonce! ... I mean, not that there's really any other Beyonce besides hot Beyonce, so that fact kind of makes the aforementioned opinion mildly redundant, but here's the statement we're -- and hopefully, she's -- trying to make: you don't need to be showing off your cracks, crevices, lady bits, or areola to be gorgeous. Not even close. Even that midriff of hers: sure, it's positively flawless and what not, but if she'd gone and covered it up, this picture would still be just as lovely.
"Beyonce, feminist icon"? Try rolling that phrase around in your mouth for a few minutes; see how it slips off your tongue. You might be a little reluctant at first, and think of all that awful "Partition" business second, but we're either over-thinking this little photo, or there's a whole lot going on behind the doors of Beyonce's gorgeous face than she's normally given credit for.
... Either one of those, or here's a third option: she's learning some valuable lessons lately pertaining to the difference between behavior that brings you up instead of that which holds you down.
7/30/2014 10:00 AM PDT
So you've probably heard some rumors stirring up about Beyonce and Jay Z by now, right? Some rumors of the not so positive persuasion. You know the ones. But Beyonce, in that very classy way that she's (usually) known for, managed to shut all that nonsense down with one extremely precious photo. See Jay Z and little Blue Ivy walking along the beach up there? That's Beyonce's way of telling all y'all naysayers to HUSH.
Also, this sweetness:
My favorite hue is JayZ Blue
See, Beyonce, whether you worship her or not, has this very lovely, very admirable thing going on where she keeps her business to herself. She doesn't run and tell her whole entire life to the world, even though the world would absolutely love to hear, and isn't there something just so refreshing about that? There are some people, and we won't name any names, that like to broadcast every single detail of their personal lives to anyone who will pay attention, but not Beyonce. No, Beyonce will just grace us with a photo of her adorable family and go about her life.
You show 'em, Bey. You show 'em all.
7/27/2014 8:00 AM PDT
Hey, check it out! It's Beyonce, looking pretty gorgeous as per normal, and as you can see, she's taking that whole "surfboard" term to a different level. ... Yeah, it's not exactly the level you'd like her to take it to on IG, and you envisioned something much more seductive when you imagined Beyonce having basically anything to do with a surfboard, but alas, here it is -- however you want to take it, Beyonce is atop some wood, and yup, surfboard surfboard.
Thanks for the yuks, Bey! Too cute!