8/11/2014 4:00 AM PDT
Hey look, it's hot Beyonce! ... I mean, not that there's really any other Beyonce besides hot Beyonce, so that fact kind of makes the aforementioned opinion mildly redundant, but here's the statement we're -- and hopefully, she's -- trying to make: you don't need to be showing off your cracks, crevices, lady bits, or areola to be gorgeous. Not even close. Even that midriff of hers: sure, it's positively flawless and what not, but if she'd gone and covered it up, this picture would still be just as lovely.
"Beyonce, feminist icon"? Try rolling that phrase around in your mouth for a few minutes; see how it slips off your tongue. You might be a little reluctant at first, and think of all that awful "Partition" business second, but we're either over-thinking this little photo, or there's a whole lot going on behind the doors of Beyonce's gorgeous face than she's normally given credit for.
... Either one of those, or here's a third option: she's learning some valuable lessons lately pertaining to the difference between behavior that brings you up instead of that which holds you down.
7/30/2014 10:00 AM PDT
So you've probably heard some rumors stirring up about Beyonce and Jay Z by now, right? Some rumors of the not so positive persuasion. You know the ones. But Beyonce, in that very classy way that she's (usually) known for, managed to shut all that nonsense down with one extremely precious photo. See Jay Z and little Blue Ivy walking along the beach up there? That's Beyonce's way of telling all y'all naysayers to HUSH.
Also, this sweetness:
My favorite hue is JayZ Blue
See, Beyonce, whether you worship her or not, has this very lovely, very admirable thing going on where she keeps her business to herself. She doesn't run and tell her whole entire life to the world, even though the world would absolutely love to hear, and isn't there something just so refreshing about that? There are some people, and we won't name any names, that like to broadcast every single detail of their personal lives to anyone who will pay attention, but not Beyonce. No, Beyonce will just grace us with a photo of her adorable family and go about her life.
You show 'em, Bey. You show 'em all.
7/27/2014 8:00 AM PDT
Hey, check it out! It's Beyonce, looking pretty gorgeous as per normal, and as you can see, she's taking that whole "surfboard" term to a different level. ... Yeah, it's not exactly the level you'd like her to take it to on IG, and you envisioned something much more seductive when you imagined Beyonce having basically anything to do with a surfboard, but alas, here it is -- however you want to take it, Beyonce is atop some wood, and yup, surfboard surfboard.
Thanks for the yuks, Bey! Too cute!
7/22/2014 5:40 AM PDT
If there's any one way that's pretty fail-safe in solidifying the public's idea that you're marriage is in trouble, it's to post cutesy family photos amidst all the rumors; the end.
No, but seriously, there are lots and lots of silly rumors going around that Beyonce's going to leave Jay-Z after their "On the Run" tour, and that it's supposed to be this big, dramatic thing, but guys -- guys. Think this through for one second: how nonsensical would it be for Jay and Bey to break up -- at all, period -- when their relationship (and professional partnership) is so financially and creatively lucrative? Despite your feelings about either or both of them, It's probably just not going to happen, sorry.
And since Jay and Bey likely realize what we've realized, this is why we're kind of on cute family photo overload, and don't get us wrong: we'd much, much rather experience a constant onslaught of photos like this rather than the extraordinarily uncomfortable alternative, which is watching Beyonce pretending she actually cares about doing that whole surfboard-surfboard on stage with the man she's with -- for something like what, 14 years? -- over the next eight weeks.
Come on. Quit playing games, girl, and just do the damn music. We don't need the theatrics of simulated sex -- it's old hat -- nor do we need to be constantly reminded that you guys have an adorable family. It's a given, and god bless.
Does yours truly personally think that Beyonce and Jay-Z are going to split after "On the Run"? Well, no. But we'll see sometime after September 13th, won't we?
7/20/2014 7:00 AM PDT
Whatever Beyonce has to do with "50 Shades of Grey" is probably not good, even if it's just lending "Crazy in Love" to the movie or even just one of the movie's trailers, but alas, here it is -- the "50 Shades of Grey" teaser trailer (the latest trailer drops on Thursday, July 24th), and surely we'll see and hear more of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, and Beyonce's creepy, melancholy version of "Crazy in Love."
6/29/2014 4:45 AM PDT
Beyonce and Jay-Z got one thing right during their overpriced, ultra-violent tour: they slammed Justin Bieber during their show the other night in Miami, showcasing Justin's mugshot in a montage of celebrity mugshots, allegedly claiming, "Even the greatest can fall."
While we can take that with a grain of salt and translate it to mean, "Yeah, everybody messes up, even those most idolized for whatever," we can also not take it with a grain of salt, run with it hard, and say that they think Justin Bieber has fallen to the point of gracelessness and isn't ever getting back up ever again, and wouldn't that just be a musical treat to feast on for the rest of your life?
Beyonce + Jay-Z, 1 -- Bieber, -482.
6/26/2014 3:30 AM PDT
Beyonce and Jay-Z debuted their ultraviolent "On the Run" tour last night in Miami, and those who could afford the bajillion-dollar tickets were treated to the couple's super-secret wedding footage and Beyonce's tight ass. It was a win-win situation for everyone, but mostly for Bey and Jay, who probably made more than you and I ever will -- combined -- over the course of our lifetimes in just one night of ticket sales.
The wedding footage was pretty sweet, and it goes to show you that they didn't fly to Mars or something on a private space shuttle (OR DID THEY), Elvis officiating the union, but that ass? Well. It was probably worth the lifetime of servitude some probably pledged in order to get themselves into this concert.
Looking good, guys!