After everything we've gone through with each of the Jenners and Kardashians collectively -- and on their own, bless them -- it'd hardly surprise us now if Kylie Jenner were doing something less than permanent with her ass. The size of her lips certainly fluctuate on a day-to-day basis, so we wouldn't be all that shocked to find out that her ass does, too.
Somebody grab one of these women and test their DNA ... they've got to have a bit of shape-shifter in there somehow, otherwise people'd just think they're a bunch of crazy frauds, right?
Oh, friends would you look at this sweetness right here? This lovely little family photo of Caitlyn Jenner hugging Kylie is just so touching, and what makes it even more wonderful is that Kylie has, understandably, had a bit of trouble adjusting to her father's transition. It surely can't be easy to get used to someone so close to you going through such a gigantic change, and Kylie has admitted as much, but she still shared these darling photos, which seem to be stills from a show, possibly Caitlyn's new show, "I Am Cait." And that touches our hearts in all kinds of special ways.
So look, if Caitlyn is happy, if all of her children are happy, if even her exes can be happy, then surely we, a bunch of strangers, can at least muster up a little bit of that, right? Just this once?
C'mon, friends ... it only makes sense.
Kylie Jenner's spending her big move-in day doing what most of us do when we move into a rad new pad: taking pictures and gloating over the glory, right? However, the main difference between what you and I are doing and what Kylie Jenner is doing is Tyga. Khloe Kardashian posted this rather intimate photo of move in day, and don't these two look like cozy newlyweds celebrating their her new home?
Congratulations on the baller status house, Kylie. And congratulations on the lecherousness, Tyga. It's becoming or something.
“He said to me, ‘You can always call me dad, I’m always going to be your dad.'”
--Kylie Jenner on Caitlyn Jenner, and though it's nice that Caitlyn's being flexible and compassionate enough to Kylie's feelings to still be referred to as "dad," maybe Kylie should return the same consideration and refer to Caitlyn as "she," rather than "he." ... Since it would appear that Bruce -- a male -- is gone, and Caitlyn -- a female -- exists in his place.
At the end of the day, what they decide to do within their family realm is their business, but let's hope that Kylie's being as understanding as she professes to be. It's got to be a unique kind of situation, to say the least.
Guys, listen ... I think we've been taking Kylie Jenner and all of her ridiculousness for granted. One day she might mature a little, there may come a time when we don't get an endless stream of selfies or multiple Snapchats in a row where she just makes faces at her phone while driving. She is turning 18 in August, maybe adulthood will pull her out of this self-obsessed weirdness we've been suffering through/giggling at for so long. Can we handle it? Only time can tell, but one thing is for sure, and that is that we need to treasure every single moment we have left with our silly ol' Kylie.
She did an interview with the Daily Mail, thankfully, so we have a perfect opportunity to appreciate her in all of her special kind of glory. For instance, don't you want to know more about her selfie process?
"I take, like, 500 selfies to get one I like. Sometimes I regret putting one up if I find a better one later. I'm like damn, that's a better photo, but that's the only thing I regret."
Wow, that must take up a lot of time, huh, taking 500 selfies? She must not have a lot of time then to party and stuff, so it looks like she just leaves that to Kris Jenner:
"I love to hang out with my mum as well. She's wilder than me. Last night, I went to bed at midnight and she stayed out much later than me doing her thing. She taught us from a young age how to support ourselves and I think it was a great thing to learn. I'm nearly 18 and buying my own home and my mum is doing everything for me. She's taking over. If I didn't have her I would literally die."
No way, Kylie, you would literally die if you didn't have your mom? That sounds terrible. It's a good thing you're pretty tight with her then, and your other besties, too:
"Tyga's one of my best friends ever so it's so much fun to travel with him. I always like having my friends out on the road with me. He's doing some stuff out in Cannes, so it's just fun."
Yeah, it makes sense that she would be so close to Tyga since they have so much in common. He's a 25-year-old rapper with a kid, she's ... OK, let's not get into all the details, it's whatever. Let's get into Kylie's FIRE instead:
"I am the youngest and that definitely makes me stand out. I think I have the most fire. Other than that, we're all really similar. I definitely think I am a little edgier than my sisters. I always change up my style and my hair is a big thing for me. I love changing it and that gives me confidence."
Oh, she's still talking about how edgy she is? That's cool. I mean, she does have blue hair sometimes, so you really can't get any edgier than that. But hey, about that thing we were talking about where she could turn 18 and gain all that magical maturity? Can we talk about that?
"I will probably throw a big party last minute. I'm not planning anything too crazy."
We can get through this, friends. We can make it through.
... The question in question, of course, would be something along the lines of "dat ass," but since we know that's not actually a question, and since we realize that asking anything about it is like beating a dead horse, we're just going to take a step back and analyze what's happening here (in society, not with Kylie Jenner's ass; we already have myriad ideas what's happening there).
Time flies by and before you know it, a girl's all grown up with an ass three times her size.
The relationship between Tyga and Kylie Jenner really is the gift that won't stop giving (us a stomachache), because just when we thought we were becoming accustomed to the remarkable level of disgust that this couple stirs up in us, Tyga went and released an album. It was a secret album, and it seems to be stuffed full of references to Kylie. Sounds terrible, right? You haven't heard the half of it.
We've already heard "Pleazer," the song where Tyga raps about how he's "'bout to catch a felony for it." Tyga has said that the song isn't about Kylie, but there are still gems on the album like "Muh F---a," in which Tyga asks the muh f---a in question "why you talkin' s---" while he's "likin' all my girl's pics." Then, in "Hollywood N----z," he discusses how he "don't f--- with no broke b----es." It would make sense for both of those lines to be about Kylie, since she does, in fact, get many likes on her pics and she is definitely not broke. But then there's the song "Hard for You," and it sounds like the whole thing could be about her:
Ever since you was little had a silver spoon
How they make it hard for you shoulda made a song for you
And the world is your stage, turn on the lights for you
Lighting up one in the crowd I be rootin’ for you
If it don't go well, well I'm still rootin' for you
Lean on me if you need help, I'm a tutor to you
Put me in the sail, hit a n---- when you ready to
Better when its late night Imma just drop through
Tyga goes on to give advice to Kylie (or whoever), saying "I don't wanna see you up in every video" and advising her not to "f--- up your brand for a grand" because "you got too much potential." He says "being young on your own, it's like the world's against ya," and just when you think that Tyga might have one non-creeper bone in his body, he says "let me guide you, get inside you, style you." Get inside, Tyga? Honestly? But we shouldn't have been too surprised seeing as how this is the hook:
It’s hard for you
It’s too easy if it’s all for you
Anything that can ball for you
Don't wanna make it hard for you
When the sun rise, you be right there
Still shining like a star to ‘em
Everybody need love just pick up the phone, I’ll come through
And make it hard for you
Get it? At first "hard" means like things being difficult, but at the end "hard" just might mean an erection. Thanks, Tyga. Now we know to never expect anything from you ever again.