8/20/2014 7:00 AM PDT

Hey, so here's this video of Miley Cyrus -- she's so weird! -- being weird and making weird faces and oh my god she's so weird! Like, have you ever seen anyone make crazy faces before?! She's just out there, guys. Totally out there and just one of a kind. "Wow, what a visionary!" people of the future will say. "The world has never seen anything like Miley Cyrus, nor will it ever see anything like her again."

But for real, maybe if Miley wants more attention these days, she could actually, I don't know, make some music. She's a singer, right? I couldn't remember, because she kind of seems like a professional wackadoodle these days.

Filed Under:  Miley Cyrus
8/18/2014 7:00 AM PDT

The more innocent among us, or the more sensible among us, might gaze upon this video that Miley Cyrus shared and go "Huh?" Because yes, it does just look like a big, weird structure of fake flowers and bead bracelets and nonsense. But friends, that is not what it is at all. No, what it is is Miley's latest creation. It also doubles as the latest sign of "Uh-oh, Miley's in trouble":

5 foot bong almost complete this one is a collab with my f---ing beyond kiewl fanz 

It's a five foot bong. Miley is building a five foot bong. She is actually using a considerable amount of time and energy on hot gluing a bunch of trinkets to customize her very own, Miley-sized bong. And if that isn't just a little bit indicative of a problem (even if that problem is as "harmless" as rampant ridiculousness), then goodness, who even knows what is?

Look, yes, she's young, and she's having fun and all that. But maybe she could have used her time to, I don't know, release a new single from her beloved "Bangerz." Maybe she could do some charity work or read a book or pick up a new hobby that isn't customizing drug paraphernalia. I don't know, just throwing some ideas out there, but surely she could find a better use of her time than this

Filed Under:  Miley Cyrus , drugs
8/10/2014 8:30 AM PDT
Oh, you poor, visually scarred souls, you probably recognize this wacky photo of Miley Cyrus in a sports bra and thong as a ripoff of Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" cover art. And if you didn't recognize it, just know that Nicki Minaj has been promoting this pose for a while now:

But we're not here to talk about Nicki and her super hot body or her weird, annoying song, no. We're here to talk about Miley Cyrus and her super hot body, which, oddly enough, is missing in this photo. Because guys, we're not stupid. We've seen Miley twerking in enough onesies to know that her body is not built like this, haven't we? Girl isn't exactly shy about showing off her body, and her body does not look like this body.

So what's the point? Did Miley just really appreciate Nicki's photo? Was she curious what she would look like with Nicki's body? Or, and this is probably the most likely option, did she just want to generate some speculation and attention on a Sunday morning?

Well played, Miley.

Filed Under:  Miley Cyrus , Photos
8/8/2014 11:00 AM PDT

Oh, friends, I need you to be strong for this one, strong and fearless and brave, because, well, Miley Cyrus and Lily Allen are friends now and they performed together on Miley's tour and Lily twerked all over her. There. I said it. Now let's let the healing process begin.

It's just ... this is too much to take. Lately Lily Allen has just been a big pile of obnoxiousness, and that's all Miley Cyrus has ever been, but to have the two of them come together like this, that's a nightmare we never imagined we'd have to face. And coming together to twerk, of all things. Because, just in case you hadn't guessed, Lily does that thing that Miley does where she thinks she's good at twerking but it just winds up being super embarrassing.

Pain. Horror. Twerking. This video surely has it all.

Filed Under:  Miley Cyrus , Lily Allen
8/6/2014 9:00 AM PDT
That photo right there, it isn't just some dumb doodling a kid did on her arm -- or, I mean, it is, but it's also permanent dumb doodling -- because this is a brand-new tattoo that Miley Cyrus got right on her arm. It says "LOVE YER BRAIN." Also, it's absolutely absurd.

Look, it's sweet that Miley seems to be having so much fun these days. It's cute that she's doing what she wants and living her life in the way that she chooses and all that; really, it is. But all these stupid tattoos, that just doesn't fall in line with the rest of it. When she grows up a little bit -- she's 21, guys, you know she's still got a bit of growing up to do -- she can take out her grill, she can stop taking so many silly selfies, but you know what she can't do, or at least what she can't do very easily? She can't take off all these ridiculous tattoos.

Seriously, not to sound like a grandma or anything, but does she really think that she's going to enjoy a dumb, misspelled tattoo right on her arm when she's 40? Or is the problem that she just doesn't think?

Filed Under:  Miley Cyrus , Photos
8/5/2014 9:00 AM PDT
Sinead O'Connor and Miley Cyrus
Time flies, y'all -- it seems like just yesterday that Sinead O'Connor and Miley Cyrus embarked on the celebrity feud of the decade, but guess what: Sinead and her good sense -- despite the fact that it'll be a year in October -- has not given up, and now instead of penning open letters to a passive-aggressive and sometimes outright-rude Miley Cyrus, she's learning lessons and helping others find their true selves by speaking out. 

In a recent interview, Sinead had this to say when asked about her history with Miley:

"I learnt something very important from all that: you get a whole lot of publicity if you sex yourself up. There was no noble thought behind it.''

Hear that little "poofing" noise? That's the sound of Miley's over-amped ego deflating, and she doesn't even know it. Sinead hit the nail right on its tongue-waggling head with that quip, and it's that Miley -- however talented she may be -- is simply using gifts that nearly everybody has in one way, shape, or form to further her career instead of relying on her own vocational capabilities instead.

Sinead also made mention of the those promotional photos where she, herself, donned all the makeup and hair and what it did for publicity and her image: 

''It's kind of fascinating what hair can do ... But I don't think anyone seriously expected me to keep that up. ... I just did a video, six hours in a wig and latex dress. I was sweating, it was disgusting. I discovered really why I haven't dressed like a girl more often. The upkeep would be awful. I don't necessarily fit into the mould that it seems females are supposed to fit into. I'm kind of irregular. My own hair is unruly. It's a mess. I feel more like me with it shaved.''

See, now, doesn't everybody just want to go ahead and shave their heads, if for no other reason than to see how it makes them feel? And also, Sinead -- how great is she, right?

8/4/2014 3:00 PM PDT
Man, do you guys remember when Miley Cyrus wasn't the most ridiculous person on the planet? When, every now and then, she'd act like a normal human being? Wasn't that just wild? These days, it would just about kill her to get her picture taken with her tongue on her mouth, or, god forbid, to wear a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Talk about a total nightmare.

No, these days, if Miley's going to wear denim, it's going to be cutoffs with plenty of holes in them, and she's going to wear them low enough to show off her underwear. And if she's going to wear a t-shirt, then she's going to mangle that all to pieces, too. Oh, and forgot some classic makeup, or even a makeup free look, because you know Miley's going to glue some rhinestones or paint some dots on her face. Nothing but the wackiest for our Miley!

Verdict: leave it. Leave all this mess and bring back some good ol' "Hannah Montana" realness. Because at least Hannah Montana had control over her tongue.