We hope you're all psyched as hell for the MTV Video Music Awards this year, because you really, really should be. We're going to get to see what the result of all that Nicki Minaj drama is, we're going to get to see all that dumb fashion, and, most importantly, we're going to get to see Miley Cyrus host that mess. Can you imagine all the wonders this show is going to hold? We all remember what happened when Miley was just a performer at the 2013 VMAs -- what's going to happen when she's in charge of the whole thing? Magic, probably. (Editor's note: or horror. It's probably that one.)
So much magic, in fact, that the fun folks over at the Parents Television Council are pushing for a mature rating for the show. “It’s not going to be safe for children to watch," the president of the council explained, because "it’s probably going to be very edgy, very profane, very sexually explicit." He also thinks that "it’s unfortunate she built her entire career on the backs of parents and now she’s basically giving them the middle finger." Because of course Miley was very ungrateful to have matured, and if she cared about her fans at all she would never have removed that Hannah Montana wig and she'd keep everything nice and respectable so parents could sit their five-year-olds down to watch the VMAs. This is basically the biggest injustice that anyone has ever experienced.
But hey, how impressive is it that after all this time, Miley still knows just how to get us? Congrats, girl. You better twerk.
Hey, leave it to Miley Cyrus to completely turn us off in every conceivable way ... and it's not that she was rocking pit hair; no. There's nothing wrong with that at all. What is wrong with this picture, however, is the fact that Miley felt compelled to share with us the aftermath of her personal grooming. What's next, showing us used Q-Tips or feminine products?
Get a grip, girl. When nobody's shocked by anything you do anymore, maybe it's time to consider shocking them all over again -- by dropping the "I'M UNIQUE, Y'ALL" facade and acting like a human being. How about it, huh?
This here is Tish Cyrus, mother of Miley Cyrus and on-and-off again spouse of ol' Billy Ray Cyrus -- pictured on the left, of course -- and we'd be remiss if we didn't say that it would appear that Tish is taking styling tips from her daughter, and we'd also be very remiss to say that this is a good look ... simply because it's not.
Verdict: We're just gonna have to go ahead and pass on this one, friends. It's just much too much.
“[Overly macho men] made me feel like I had to be a femme-bot, which I’m not. And then when I was with a girl, I felt like, ‘Oh s—, she’s going to need someone to protect her, so I’m going to need to have this macho energy.’ And that didn’t feel right either. [I went on a Valentine's date to a restaurant with a man and] all the women in the restaurant were with these older, fat men that had just let themselves go. They were just being drunk b-----ds. And then the women were sitting there, trying so hard just to look good. And they’re ignoring them the whole time. And I thought, ‘I’m not living like this.' If I end up in a straight relationship, that’s fine—but I’m not going to be with f—ing slob guys who are watching porn, making all their girls feel ugly.”
--Miley Cyrus on dating both sexes, and honestly speaking -- aside from the crass joke about men getting fat -- girlfriend is spot-on. We, as a society, do have these weird idiosyncrasies about gender expectations, and what a load of horse crap, right? Even though Miley's definitely a little bit out there sometimes, she makes an extremely valid point ... and it's that you should find the one you want to be with -- damned be the gender -- for who makes you feel good about yourself, and for no other reason.
Later during the interview, Miley says, “F—ing is easy. You can find someone to f— in five seconds. [I] want to find someone [I] can talk to. And be [myself] with. That’s fairly slim pickings.”
She's not often so articulate when it comes to these things, but this time ... girl is right on the money.
Check out Miley's style evolution through the years in the gallery below.
All right, look, it's not like we ever expected Bristol Palin and Miley Cyrus to be the best of friends -- we wouldn't even expect them to politely ignore each other -- but Bristol done went and read Miley's new interview with Paper Magazine, and she got her feelings real hurt, you guys. Because if you looked past all the nudity and the cute pig on the cover, you'd see that Miley spent some time talking about religion. And, in Bristol's eyes, oh no she didn't.
Miley's quotes about religion and politics got Bristol going so much that she decided to write her very own blog entry about it, and she gave it the catchy title "Miley Cyrus Claims She's 'Least Judgmental Person Ever,' Calls Christians 'Insane Motherf---ers.'" And right off the bat, she loses it, because no, Miley did not ever say that. What Miley said was that it's "f---ing insane" that people believe the story of Noah's Ark literally happened, which probably just wasn't shocking enough for Bristol. And it only went downhill from there.
Bristol discussed Miley's "hilarious tirade about intolerance," which was just Miley talking about the fundamentalists in government (the people the Duggars would root for, essentially) and the laws they make, or at least try to make, to further oppress the LGBT community. She said "those people shouldn't get to make our laws." And Bristol wasn't having it.
Here's what she wrote about Miley's thoughts on politics, and that whole Noah's Ark thing again:
Is it just me or does it seem more than a little fake that someone claiming to be accepting of everyone and everything would spew such judgment towards her own parents and their deeply held religious beliefs?
She wants everyone else to let her be “free to be Miley,” but seems unwilling to offer the same respect to her parents and those who wish to live out their Christian faith.
Oh, Miley. Thanks for giving us the best example of what “tolerance” looks like in Hollywood: it looks a lot like contempt.
OK, real quick, tolerance is important. It's important to be tolerant of other people's beliefs and views. But when someone has a view that is hateful and hurtful towards other people, you don't have to tolerate that. It's really not that hard to understand. If there's a group of people threatening to take away the rights of other people, it doesn't make you a hypocrite to fight against it.
Nice try though, Bristol. Unfortunately, it never, ever works.
This is new song of hers called "Nightmare" that was just leaked, and though it's a little more electronic than we'd like to hear from her at this point, it's still solid. There's actually a bit of confusion on when this song was made though, if it's something new or something that was recorded a while ago and is just now making its way into the world, but it really doesn't matter. It's that good, or we're loving her so much right now that we think it's that good, but either way, here it is:
Miley Cyrus, as the latest piece of evidence that she's transformed into a wonderful human being, is on the cover of this month's Paper magazine, and basically, we dare you not to smile. First of all, she's naked, so if you're into naked ladies, well, here you go. Second of all, she's covered in mud, so if you like ladies that don't obsess over looking perfect, or if you have a very specific fetish, she's got you covered here, too. And lastly ... that pig. That pig, y'all. It's smiling. Miley is cuddling the happiest, most adorable pig we ever did see. It has to touch your heart, it just has to.
Keep the greatness coming, Miley. Because honestly, this is so great.