Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn't Feed Her Kids Bread, Almost Died Once Maybe

Gwyneth Paltrow does a lot of cool things with her life. She acts in movies, and she has her own website where she tries to convince you that you need the overpriced items she likes. Those are neat things, right? You know what else is a cool thing about her life? She doesn't eat anything! Or, no, she eats things, of course, it's just that she doesn't eat a lot of awesome things that other, less fancy people like to eat.

In her new book, "It's All Good," she discusses how "every single nutritionist, doctor and health-conscious person" she's ever spoken to, ever, says that gluten is bad for you, and that's why she doesn't let her kids have carbs, AKA happiness:

"Sometimes when my family is not eating pasta, bread or processed grains like white rice, we’re left with that specific hunger that comes with avoiding carbs."

Other things the family doesn't eat include meat, potatoes, sugar, coffee and eggs. And that's apparently because she almost died one time:

"One sunny afternoon in London, in the spring of 2011, I thought - without sounding overly dramatic - that I was going to die. I had just served lunch in the garden at home... I had a vague feeling that I was going to faint, and I wasn't forming thoughts correctly... I got a searing pain in my head, I couldn't speak, and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I thought I was having a stroke."

Apple should have been like "totally scary, Mom, but I still don't want to gnaw on carrots for the rest of my life," right? Because kale is delicious, but nothing can love you like sugar can love you.

--Emily Trainham