Sorry, But Tom Hanks Raised a Mega Douche
Get yourselves ready, guys, because this is the funniest thing that ever happened: Chet Haze, AKA Chester Hanks, AKA the douchebag offspring of Tom Hanks, got into a Twitter fight with Jensen Karp, AKA rapper Hot Karl, AKA a super hilarious guy who is responsible for all the goodness in the world today.
It all started when Chet tweeted about "blessing the mic with spoke word," and it quickly got out of hand in the most amusing way possible:
If u in LA stop by the open mic near fairfax high tonight at 9 ima be there blessing the mic with spoken word— Chester M. Hanks (@CHETHAZE) November 27, 2013
Your dad was in Castaway. RT @CHETHAZE: If u in LA stop by open mic near fairfax high tonight ima be there blessing the mic with spoken word— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 1, 2013
And then Chet said a whole bunch of bad words, things like "I don't know who you are but u can do yourself a favor and stay the f--- outta my timeline!" and "lil b----" and "Ill just be nothing, do nothing, and offend nobody. That way id be jus like YOUR irrelevant ass" and "u don't know s--- about me or my story so how the f--- u gon comment on the way I talk? U never even met me. Sit your ass down." And then Jensen came back with some more truth:
.@CHETHAZE I would reflect my upbringing correctly, not pretend I was raised like Mobb Deep, dude. You visited the set of Turner & Hooch.— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 2, 2013
.@ChetHaze U went to private school & talk like you're French Montana. Even saying "swagger" should be illegal for a kid raised in Brentwood— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 2, 2013
.@CHETHAZE Chet, your father is Tom Hanks. America's sweetheart. And you're talking about smoking kush and banging dime pieces. It's acting.— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 2, 2013
I admit you're funnier than I am. RT @ChetHaze: Nerdy twitter comedians hate it when another white guy. It reminds them of what they're not— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 2, 2013
And then, well, then Chet had a lot of feelings:
.@CHETHAZE I am actually not hating, I'm trying to help. No one wants to hear the fake black accent from a kid who knows the Speilbergs.— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) December 2, 2013
My whole life I been getting s--- from jealous nerds like you simply because I love Rap. It's f---ing hilarious. My passion has nothing to do with your petty existence, so don't f---in get them twisted. Difference between me and these clowns is I actually will beat your ass if I see u in person whereas y'all are all #soft. Y'all just use the same jokes over and over again. Forrest Gump, Capt Phillips ha ha ha. Say something original at least. I'm outta here doe. Just wanted to keep it real on these twitter nerds for once...
Jensen's response? The whole thing went on for a while -- Chet challenged Jensen to a rap battle, Jensen accepted and asked if Ron Howard could be the judge, Chet commented on how "wack" this whole thing was. As of now, they have not worked out a date for this rap battle, but we'll keep you posted if we hear anything else. In the meantime, let's be sure to thank dear Chet Haze and his Twitter antagonist for this hearty, hearty laugh.