Even in Her Trials, Gwyneth Paltrow is Sanctimonious

3/26/2014 9:30 AM PDT, by Sarah Taylor
Gwyneth Paltrow couldn't just break off her marriage with Chris Martin like every other abnormal person in Hollywood, nope. No, Gwyneth had to get all new-age and psychological and metaphysical on our asses, and maybe, if we're super lucky, she'll even throw in a few great breakup recipes to cook up while down and depressed, too. Wouldn't that be nice? 

Gwyn and Chris released a "joint" statement last night (and by "joint," I mean "all her") regarding their amicable split, referring to it as a "conscious uncoupling." Before you get finished rolling your eyes at that one, though, hear this one out: on her site, before it crashed, Gwyn republished a doctor's whole thesis on what "conscious uncoupling" actually is, so not only is she fit to tell you what to eat and wear and drive, she's qualified to heal your spirit and your soul through lots of other people's big words, too: 

"Divorce is a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved—and there's arguably no salve besides time to take that pain away. However, when the whole concept of marriage and divorce is reexamined, there's actually something far more powerful—and positive—at play. ... Our biology and psychology aren't set up to be with one person for four, five, or six decades. The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone." 

So, in short, we're just living much too long to pair with anyone for longer than a tenth of our lives, and even that's pushing it. Right?

But how about this -- how about we each decide on our own what's right for ourselves and allow our loved ones to do the same thing without having to be subjected to the proselytizing of someone who basically makes a career out of trying to change our lives because they think we're too apathetic to care? Sure is a good start, if nothing else.

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791 days ago

I've never liked Gwyneth Paltrow as an actor and the more I read about her and things she says make me dislike her as a person too. She grew up in a privileged home and is so out-of-touch with what it's like in the real world, it's ridiculous. I don't know how anyone can take her seriously!

1 Reply
791 days ago

She is not likeable as a person, but she is a good actor. Really good. She should have stuck with acting and put all her energy into it with dignity and grace. She was at the top of her game in acting, what the heck happened? Goop happened. Naming a kid Apple happened. Apparently Goop was more important than Chris as was putting energy into making crusty comments about low income people (99.9% of earth's population). She could have had a career (and did) similar to Nicole Kidman, Kate Winslet or even Meryl Streep. I don't know what she was thinking. Now she will be remembered for Goop and classism. Great legacy!!!

791 days ago

Some juicy rumors about the split that you won't see here:

garrett lange
791 days ago

She has always been an idiot...... Poor thing needs attention..

Duke Steele
791 days ago

I've never like her. Too self-righteous and condescending. BUT, I started to look at her a bit differently after I saw her slip some tongue to Tom Cruise in the Austin Powers opening sequence.I would have thought that she would think that was beneath her.One more thing. She does have a great set of legs.And she slips some tongue. Go,Gwynny.

791 days ago

"Our biology and psychology aren't set up to be with one person for four, five, or six decades. The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone."

Oh, yes, because NOBODY has EVER had a marriage work and last...

*rolls eyes*

791 days ago

Ugh...weren't her parents married for many years? Her mother is a widow? Why didn't she make it her mission to stay with her husband for better or worse? She's giving this attention like it was just way too difficult. Marriages do have their ups and downs but I don't get how with all the money celebs have, they don't seek counseling.

791 days ago

if we are not meant to be together for however long she said why even get married. the whole reason of getting married is to spend the rest of your life with that one that you love forever what a foolish comment she made. that's what love is all about its about together forever with the ones you love like your husband or wife and kids what they heck is she thinking. No wonder shes no longer going to be married. Anyone that thinks like this is messed up in the head don't know any other way to say it good luck and god bless

791 days ago

So sick of celebrities saying they are splitting because marriage to one person is unnatural. You are splitting because you gave up on the commitment you made to one another, or you were never really committed in the first place.

790 days ago

How can you take Gwyneth seriously. She is a know it all and she turns off people with her lame advice. I cant take anyone serious who names their kid Apple and apparently since she is splitting from her husband life for her isnt so perfect. I dont give all the hype about her. She isnt that pretty and she cant act.

790 days ago

Really??? She should have told her parents that because they seemed to have no problem staying together for 33 years.