Gwyneth Paltrow Can't Even Get Divorced Right

3/27/2014 2:00 PM PDT, by
Ever since we heard the news of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's divorce -- sorry, sorry "conscious uncoupling" -- we've probably all had the same thought: "oh god, this is going to be unbearable." Well, the good news is, we were right. But the bad news is, we were right.

As if the insanely pretentious term "conscious uncoupling" wasn't enough (hint: it really was), now we also have a new report that this whole divorce thing is really bringing Gwyneth and Chris together. See, according to a source who spoke with E! News, the decision to break up "brought out the best in them." No, really, they apparently "discovered a lot of their love again." Ugh, can you imagine? Gwyneth is so self important that she could never just go through a divorce. No, she has to go through this whole uncoupling thing that is actually very sweet and magical. Annoying.

Also, this information:

"There's still a lot of love between them. Just last week, Chris walked into the room and was telling Gwyneth how beautiful she looked. He's very sweet and loving to her. That's the confusing and surprising part about their marriage. You can truly tell they love one another. Their lives are just going in different directions. They will continue to do family stuff together, but they both want to be out in the world and be single."

Gwyneth, Chris, listen: it's OK if you're just not into it anymore. It's cool if you just want to raise your kids together without being romantically involved. That happens. It's OK. No one needs this big poetic explanation of everything. Yes, Gwyneth is still pretty. That's great. Wonderful. Stop now though, all right? Just stop.

Filed Under:  Gwyneth Paltrow

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793 days ago

So you've never been in a relationship where you like each other better when not a couple? Probably not because you sound like little teenage mean girls and this is your burn book. The relief that they don't have to try and make a marriage work could make them appreciate each other. Most adults understand this.

793 days ago

Eh, Gwyneth just trying to be goopy, that's all.