James Franco is Officially Too Awful to Handle

7/7/2014 2:00 PM PDT, by
You're never in a million years going to be able to understand and accept how awful this is, but we need to try to process this anyway: James Franco wrote a collection of poems, some of them are about celebrities, and it's the worst thing that ever happened. See, it's an example of James Franco doing that thing where he thinks he's this big prolific artist who can do absolutely anything creative even though he absolutely cannot. Like here is this poem he wrote about Heath Ledger. It's called "Ledger":

There had been a time 
When we were up for the same roles, 
10 Things I Hate about You 
(Based on The Taming of the Shrew), 
And The Patriot – 
Funny, you were Australian and so was Mel – 
You were the knight in A Knight's Tale...

Guys ... that's not poetry. That is a series of facts. And this next little bit he wrote in a poem from the point of view of Lindsay Lohan, it's not even a fact, it's just ridiculous:

Fame raped me.
And I raped it, if you know what I'm saying

Why? Why is he doing this? What did the world do to deserve to be subjected to such awfulness? Why does James Franco want us to hurt? Why?!
Filed Under:  James Franco , poetry

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692 days ago

Aww, picking on Franco again. Eh, he is no shakespeare, but people don't need to be good at poetry to write it. It is a good emotional exercise to get junk off your chest. I just think he shares just about everything about himself. So he shared his bad poetry, like a lot of people have bad poetry. Silly Franco haters.

692 days ago

You get paid to do this? hahaha joketown! James Franco 4 lyfe suckas

2 Replies
692 days ago

It's called a joke. Learn your humor.

692 days ago

James Franco once sold a piece of art that is "invisible". Come on. He knows that his fans and the fans that think he is hot will buy/eat up everything he does, even if it sucks. Even if it results in our country being attacked. That ego is ridiculous, and why shouldn't it be? We made him, we made all of them.

692 days ago

I loved it I cant wait to see more. How was any of his poetry wrong or disgusting, I bet his poetry is a trillion times better than any article you have ever written Emily Trainham.

Karl Marl
692 days ago

It's been written that he's a really smart guy, so this incident smells to me like intentionally bad performance art. Maybe he's playing with the media to see if they dare pan his crapoetry, being that he's considered one of the greatest actors of his generation.

Tony B
692 days ago

WHHYYYYYY OH GOD WHY .... didn't you google him before writing this?

Dude's been writing for Vice for how many years?

692 days ago

It rivals Vogon poetry!

1 Reply
Benjamin Carrico
692 days ago

It baffles me that someone received money to write this article. It's a joke, genius.

692 days ago

I like that he is just flat out into creating!
What's wrong with that. Some of the stuff may even suck. But who cares.
And lastly, who cares what critics think or say!!

692 days ago

if it is so terrible don't bring it up and don;t read it... face it you were looking for a reason to not like the guy. and believe it or not most people on earth do care what celebrities do off camera..

1 Reply
692 days ago

So are all internet articles just opinion pieces now? Art is entertainment, and all entertainment is either enjoyed or not, there is no fact in if it's good or bad. It just is, like the platypus. Okay platypuses are frickin' bas-ass, but still the point is if you didn't like it, then that's what you took away, who cares if it's cheesy or fact based. Some people love that stuff, and others don't. I'm not here to support or bash James Franco, he's a celebrity and a person that I do not know. At least he's trying stuff that makes him happy. It's so much easier to destroy what others built, then to build your own things. Let's try and keep things positive 'eh, I think most of us are tired of opinionated bash pieces. Let your bosses know, we want real journalism back!

692 days ago

She says Franco's poetry is clueless,
That it's totally lacking in style.
Well if those poems sit next to his likeness
I'll read every one with a smile!

692 days ago

What did the world do to deserve to subjected to such an awful "article" .

692 days ago

He is playing the public and media again

692 days ago

Wikipedia lists James Franco’s occupation as: actor, film director, screenwriter, producer, film editor, teacher, author, poet. He also plays music, paints occasionally models and does a lot of charitable work. And what, Emily Trainham, do you do?

691 days ago

The real question should be who the he'll cares. Why is the author of this article making such a big deal about it?

Abari Renjii
691 days ago

James Franco I think needs to come out of the closet. More and more he is drifting into weirdness territory. It's not funny or profound it's just dumb. I could belch and make a more profound poem!

691 days ago

This may be the shittiest attempt of journalism ive ever come across, if you can even call it that.

Ray Legans
690 days ago

Ugh. It's worse than his paintings. I didn't think anything could be worse than his paintings. Yes, he does many things, badly. He's not particularly smart. He takes classes. What are his grades? Why has he never finished an advanced degree. He's this generations Paula Abdul. A few hits now, then a future of popping pills while judging a reality talent show, if he's that lucky.