Prepare Yourselves for the Douchebag Wedding of the Century!

7/18/2014 3:00 PM PDT, by
Hey, you don't have any big plans for tomorrow, do you? Nothing major or anything? For your sake, I hope not, because allegedly, tomorrow is going to be the day that Adam Levine gets married, which means that there will be a great amount of douchiness afloat in the universe. It would be best if you stayed at home and kept all activity minimal, because you might be aversely affected by all of the jackassery that Adam's wedding will surely bring.

Especially try to avoid doing anything in Mexico, which is where Adam's wedding to Behati Prinsloo will reportedly take place. Los Cabos, specifically. Avoid that location at all costs. The good news, though, if for some reason you can't manage that, is that Adam has apparently rented out an entire very fancy hotel for the occasion, so the likelihood that you will come in direct contact of this douchebaggery is minimal. The bad news, though -- the very, very bad news -- is that the actual wedding is supposed to happen on the beach, which means that all that awful attitude could get in the water. The entire ocean could become infected with The Douche. It could get serious out there.

Stay safe this weekend, friends. Be cautious. If you experience any sudden urges to act unreasonably douchey, please see someone. Don't let what happened to Adam Levine happen to you too.
Filed Under:  Adam Levine

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683 days ago

"Douche" and all it's iterations are being overused here. Try tossing in the occasional "ass-wipe" or "jag-bag" so that the d-word isn't eventually rendered meaningless. It's too good a reference to lose.

All three fit Adam Levine like a glove.

682 days ago

He seems gay

1 Reply
681 days ago

Emily, you are way better than that stupid cunt, Sarah Taylor.

681 days ago

I hope he gets decapitated by the drug cartels and they video tape it. Then I can see his execution on the gore websites!

681 days ago

Do you mean ADVERSELY affected? or were you purposely going with aversely affected? Just wondering.